i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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