Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Operation Purity has been aborted
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
