I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
