i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
This baby is an asshole
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
