Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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