If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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