it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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