he puts the penis in happiness.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
