so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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