He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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