She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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