Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
