mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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