Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
