Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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