How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
