Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
