are you still at the devil's house?
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
