do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
