well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
