I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
