bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize