If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
