Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
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