whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
