I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
