3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Sorry about my life...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
