Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
