he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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