i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
