What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
