A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
