TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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