If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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