you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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