In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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