Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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