just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
