New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
