He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
