Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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