she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
