Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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