Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I currently don't understand fingers.
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