Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
