A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
