Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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