dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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