I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
