You made me cry and you don't even care
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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