Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Randomize
