elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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