Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
