How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
