How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
