After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
