I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
im holly from the hills drunk
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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