You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
