So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize