last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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