Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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