My hair reeks of homosexuality.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
