Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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