ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
