I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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