did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
