I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
