We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
