Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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