spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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