i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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