dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
